who cares!!
everyone will tell you that our 20’s is a time for exploration. it’s the time to do whatever we feel aligns with us and figure out who we are. in the beginning of my, what i like to call, rebirth in early 2022 i started to deep dive into my personal identity. for the years preceding 2022, i found that i lost myself in toxic friendships and relationships, molding myself into someone i knew I wasn’t for a sense of belonging. it wasn’t until I lost those people I thought were my forever community, until I was completely alone, that I was forced to come to terms with the fact that, damn.. I actually have no idea who I am.
i was determined to find myself.
and I dove in head first and DEEP.
i said goodbye to Instagram, tiktok, even facebook which I only ever visited for FB marketplace anyways but the point was this:
no! social! interaction!
…at least digitally
the only media I consumed was books and podcasts where I found comfort and the sense of understanding I was desperately looking for my whole life. i can get into the specific books and podcasts that really changed my life another time but basically, through these I did a lot of soul-searching. i wanted to figure everything out.
to keep the story short, here are some things I learned.
no one is coming to save you.
if you don’t change anything, nothing will change.
there’s nothing braver than TAKING THe FIRST STEP.
working on yourself is HARD.
but what’s harder is staying miserable and stagnant.
you become who you surround yourself with.
remove people who have no intentions of self-improvement from your life. you will be complacent and never advance.
people will treat you how they feel about themselves; don’t take anything too personally
meet people where they meet you
the world is just a reflection of your thoughts and the opportunities that arise are a manifestation of what you believe you are deserving/capable of.
love hard without expectation or shame
the love and energy you pour into the world will always find its way back to you.
and most of all be genuine to yourself
you will attract the right people into your life.
and I can go on but I realized that life is a never-ending journey of self-exploration.
i was beating myself up for so long about not being completely sure of who I am and exactly what I want to do and yes I learned a lot through this experience but ultimately the biggest lesson I learned was
who cares?!?!?!
you are the creator of your own universe.
i am the creator of my own universe.
and yes I still am not 100% sure about who i am, but who is? and who cares?
the joy of life itself is letting yourself experience your life. you build a deeper relationship with yourself and therefore an increasingly solid identity as you let yourself enjoy the present moment. the amazing (and also shitty) people you meet along the way, the new cities you explore, and the seemingly mundane day-to-day life all go on to build the person you are. i believe the key is to just let yourself live.
i will live my life according to what I feel most aligns with the person that I am and the person that I wish to become.
i’m not worried about if i’m “on the right path” or if i’m “Wasting my time”. all these experiences are a part of my journey and as long as i’m confident in my abilities and remain positive, I’m certain i will make things work out for me. because I believe in myself.
real joy and contentment comes from acknowledging that not everything is rainbows and butterflies. it’s remaining confident that you can get through whatever life may throw at you. it’s realizing that happiness is not always guaranteed. and when you realize that, there is a gigantic, humongous, massive weight that gets lifted off your shoulders.
and these days with this mindset, i’m now in this weird grey area where i’m lost and without clear direction but I have never been so sure about myself.
most importantly i’m happy.
happier than I thought I could ever be :)
